Who’s easier to hate – Chelsea or Man United?

All the players rated according to their unpopularity 

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What a Champions League final. Two delighted sets of fans, then the rest of Europe all scratching their heads trying to figure out which of the teams they want to win lessThe Spoiler has taken a long look at all of the players who should be involved, and marked them out of ten, using a state-of-the-art Hate-o-meter. Results follow…

Manchester United

Edwin van der Sar – 2/10 
With the exception of Jens Lehmann, goalkeepers are kindly men who don’t want any trouble. Thus near impossible to truly loathe.

Patrice Evra – 6/10 
The left-back is a terrific player, but his unhealthy habit of winding up opposition fans has seen his hate-o-meter rating crank up to over halfway. Still miles behind Cole though.

Rio Ferdinand – 6/10 

Rio’s hatred is spawned of stupidly missing drugs test, kicking a female steward by accident and doing silly “pow pow pow” celebrations after scoring.

Nemanja Vidic – 3/10 
How can anyone possibly hate this guy? He looks like a lumbering simpleton.

Wes Brown – 2/10 
Aside from being the weak link in the United defence, there’s little truly irksome about Wes Brown. Like Vidic, he seems thick.

Ryan Giggs – 1/10
His own fans like to get on his back from time to time, but he’s a football legend who talks a bit like a bored postman.

Paul Scholes – 1/10 
Scholes lets his football do the talking, and even his total inability to time a tackle has become something the whole nation loves. A popular little gingerbread man.

Michael Carrick – 2/10 
Alongside Giggs and Scholes, Carrick completes perhaps the most likable trio of midfielders in the Premier League – even Spurs fans have forgiven him for bidding them adieu. It’s just a shame that they are joined by…

Cristiano Ronaldo – 9/10 

Yes, he’s a fantastic player, brilliant. But there’s just something about his noble free kick stance, his pointless step-overs, and his gelled up hair that make it amazingly simple to dislike him. And yes, the whole prostitute stuff doesn’t help.

Wayne Rooney – 7/10 

When he arrived on the scene, it was like Christ had returned, only this time as a young Liverpudlian boy with a bad temper and no beard. Since then he’s turned his back on his boyhood club, not scored enough for England, and slept with old grannies. Whoopsie.

Carlos Tevez – 1/10 

So nice that West Ham fans even cheer when he scores against them. On the downside he looks like he probably makes a lot of noise (growls, yaps) when he’s bombing around the pitch like a maniac.

Hate-o-meter Rating: 40/110

Chelsea

Petr Cech – 3/10 
“Who’s the wanker in the hat?” question the rival fans. Well, that would be Petr Cech, and it’s not “a hat”, it’s a gimp mask. A friendly face makes him hard to hate.

Ashley Cole – 10/10 
A man with no redeeming features. None.

John Terry – 9/10 

Terry’s problem is that he looks like the kind of gent who might glass you in a pub. One of the more detested former England captains.

Ricardo Carvalho – 4/10 

He’s a bit rough and volatile, but while he was initially unpopular, some fans admire him just to give their hatred for Terry an extra little boost.

Michael Essien – 3/10 

A great player, Essien’s work ethic and all round good performances make him an opponent to admire.

Claude Makelele – 2/10 
Another who is hard to dislike. In fact, he’s so popular that he has his own position named after him.

Frank Lampard – 6/10 
After a dreadful month or so, it would be impossible to hate Lamps with the usual venom – his Champions League display against Liverpool was simply awe inspiring. That said, he is and will always be Princess Frank Lampard – show pony.

Michael Ballack – 5/10 
Finally, it seems the people of England have almost forgotten how to be totally xenophobic, so great German players like Ballack can come over here without getting too much predictable abuse. Hence, only half hated.

Joe Cole – 2/10 
Fans love Joe Cole, because he’s the closest England player to a South American player. He was also loyal to West Ham, which always seems to bolster the likability factor.

Solomon Kalou – 2/10

Simply not good enough to be truly reviled.

Didier Drogba – 10/10
Drogba could have become one of the greats of the modern game, but instead will be remembered for writhing around pretending to be in agony, hurling himself to the ground because a defender breathed on his neck, or sulking. A manchild.

Hate-o-meter Rating: 56/110

Who’s easier to hate – Chelsea or Man United?
10 (100%) 1 vote

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