Uh oh, “Gerrard to Real” is totally in the bag as well…

Imagine this, but with both of them in white


Oh dear, this will not go down too well, judging by the fury attracted when The Spoiler casually pointed out that Torres is probably going to Chelsea. But, here goes… deep breath. Steven Gerrard is DEFINITELY joining Real Madrid.

Make no mistake about it, The Spoiler is well connected, with secret squirrels deployed all over the country, rifling through bins, bugging boardrooms, smoking endless cigarettes as they jabber into payphones to avoid detection. And this comes from probably our top squirrel.

Exactly how many pesetas will be exchanged, no one can quite put a figure on it, but be certain of this: next season, Steven G will be sharing tiny little plates of spicy sausage with his old friend Xabi Alonso and their wives. Every damn weekend.

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