Transfer Talk: Arsenal find a Flamini replacement

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As ever, there was no time last night to revel in the joy of a Paul Scholes stonker, because while football is being played, behind the scenes people in dark suits are having business meetings, and those meetings are very important – they include “guesstimates” and “sushi”. Here’s what may or may not have been talked about in some of those sweaty deep-into-the-night think tanks:

Kamel Ghilas to Arsenal
Arsene Wenger’s team of dehydrated football forragers have once again resurfaced in their mining helmets with soil on their faces muttering like crazy people about an Algerian man called Kamel. At the moment he plays casual football for Portuguese side Vitoria Guimaraes, but next season he looks set to be entertaining Arsenal crowds, who love sexual football and Cesc Fabregas.

Antonio Valencia and Wilson Palacios to Manchester United

Yes, Ferguson will be on the hunt for bright young talents, currently dominating other first teams, to strengthen his reserves, and these two might be just the ticket. They do it week in, week out for Wigan, but can they do it perhaps once every three/four months for United when Nani, Anderson, Carrick, Hargreaves, Scholes, Ronaldo, Giggs, O’Shea, and Fletcher are all injured? Or it’s the Carling Cup?

Darren Fletcher to Wigan
Ahhh, but talking of midfielders and Man United and Wigan and transfers, how about Darren Fletcher finally getting the hint that no one wants him around any more and going to Wigan? Yeah, that’d be a great idea. And the fantastic news for Darren is that Steve Brucie likes the look of him.

Denilson to Everton
You’d think that with Mikel Arteta, Tim Cahill, Steven Pienaar and Manuel Fernandes, the Toffees would be happy with their midfield, but oh no. They want to steal an Arsenal reserve. Bad move, friends – remember Richard Wright? No, nor does he.

Lee Carsley to Blackburn
At 34, Lee Carsley should really be thinking about investing in a sensible car, or siring some kindly children to continue the family legacy. Instead there is talk of him plying his wares back in Blackburn like it’s 1999/2000 all over again.

Jason Scotland to Derby

Paul Jewell is preparing for life in the Championship by splashing out £2 million on a successful League 1 striker. Yeah, good luck with that.

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