Top five tennis lovelies

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And not a Mauresmo in sight

Wow, isn’t tennis great? There’s Federer, Nadal, some other guys. It’s just brilliant. Plus, every year, Wimbledon introduces the planet to a new Chris Evert, or Anna Kournikova, or Maria Sharapova. But which of the saucy little lovelies will have Des Lynam cleaning sweat from his moustache in between games this year? Here’s The Spoiler’s top five to look out for – a mixture of old and new.

Bethanie Mattek

Bethanie is a zany American woman, mainly known for her eccentric dress sense – she’s crazy! Leopard print,cowboy hats, boob tubes, even a toga. Hilarious. She’s busty enough to bring out Des Lynam’s more worryingly sexual side.

Dominika Cibulkova

Dominika is set to take the drooling Wimbledon cameramen by storm. She’s a 19-year-old Slovakian who lists her favourite drink as Kofola – the Slovakian version of coke – and her most treasured book as Harry Potter and the something of something. This will be her first Wimbledon.

Ana Ivanovic

Ana is currently number two in the world, which makes her the top ranking Serb, just above Jelena Jankovic. She lost last year’s French Open to Justine Henin, who is nowhere near as pretty.

Serena Williams

Strong as an ox, Serena is a mighty woman. But underneath the mile-wide shoulders and bulging biceps, she’s a pretty demure little thing, with one of the world’s strangest voices.

Maria Sharapova

Everyone knows that Sharapova is great – she’s got legs that go right from her feet, to just beneath her hips. They’re gargantuan. In the classic Wimbledon sense, she is a blonde.