The Spoiler considers the footballing talent you rather see warm someone else’s bench next season
Much like when a hot girl comes for an interview at your place of work, the feeling of knowing a quality player could be joining your club is pretty uplifting. However, unless you support Manchester Utd, Chelsea or Arsenal, occasionally a player who provokes a combined feeling of fear, disappointment and mild anger will crop up on the rumour radar. Even Liverpool suffer a little from ropeytransferitis, with names like Stewart Downing and James Milner not exactly living up to last summer’s star signing Fernando Torres.
With this in mind, we decided to compile a list of the ten names most likely to make you choke on your Corn Flakes when the back pages associate them with your side. Let’s get things started with a couple of Frenchmen…
The French striker flopped during his spell at Liverpool but that doesn’t stop him believing that we all love him, judging by his determination to return to the Premier League. We don’t Djibril, we don’t.
Even Lil realises that he’s not that popular after being dumped by Barcelona and failing with France. “I would like to continue to play but I don’t know if a club wants me,” he said last week. Celtic and Rangers have been linked but Scots can rest easy as he now appears to be PSG-bound.
Perfect proof that playing with some really good players once or twice a season doesn’t make you a really good player. Maybe Martin O’Neill thinks he could do a Bentley and flourish away from the Emirates, but his loan spell at Sunderland suggested that simply won’t happen.
The Socceroo was one of the most exciting players in the Premier League…five years ago. After a few years rotting in hospital beds and in Liverpool’s reserve team he is damaged goods. Thankfully it’s looking like he will take WAG Sheree Murphy off to Italy.
Kevin Keegan is happy playing any old rubbish in defence, believing the strikers will score enough goals to negate the errors. If KK deems the Irishman unworthy, that ain’t a good sign. West Ham and Aston Villa fans have been among those squirming at the thought of him pulling on claret and blue.
He had one great season in 2003 that saw him score 23 goals, win some England caps and join Everton for £6 million. It was on Merseyside that it all fell apart, but now he has scored goals in the Championship, where anyone can beat anyone else, he’s worth £5 million all over again. Roy Keane is said to be tempted, and has already paid £4 million plus on three Championship players. Don’t do it, Roy!
After looking incredibly ordinary as Reading sunk without a trace, Shorey has inherited the one-season wonder mantle previously held by players like Marlon Harewood and Darren Bent. So why is there always someone waiting to pay big money to give them another chance?
Recognise the name? Elmander was the guy who did a remarkable job of featuring in all three of Sweden’s Euro 2008 games while managing to do a grand total of nothing. We’re not even sure he touched the ball. So feel some sympathy for Fulham and Bolton fans, whose clubs may be willing to pay eight figures for him.
He’s nowhere near as bad a goalkeeper as that mistake suggests, but he’s damaged goods and his confidence is shaken. Plus Rafa Benitez is sure to demand big money if the Peter Crouch saga is anything to go by. Aston Villa got to witness him first hand for 12 months before deciding he wasn’t worth buying, so why are there so many others in the queue? If Tottenham ever sign a new keeper, expect Paul Robinson to displace Carson in this list.
The striker who flopped at Liverpool and Aston Villa has managed to make an entire career trading off his Euro 2004 topscorer success. He went to Portsmouth in January but scored a grand total of zero then went to the Euros with Czech Republic and failed to score. He’s now supposed to be the goal hero who keeps West Brom in the Premier League; Tony Mowbray would be wiser to stick with Kevin Phillips.
Do you agree with our choices or think we’re being too harsh? Is there someone we’ve missed out? Comments below please, folks.