Awww, don’t cry Tottenham fans, we didn’t mean it (we did)
Something about the way Alex on The Apprentice started weeping and pointing at other people the minute anyone dared question his business acumen, even just slightly, suggests that he will one day make an absolutely tremendous football manager. He’s got it all – the quivering lip, the total lack of humility, everything!
Which got The Spoiler to thinking. Alex is a sensitive soul – some would say a pillock – but who else is sensitive? And, more specifically, what sets of football fans are the most fragile and Alex-like? The answer was, of course, simple: Spurs fans.
Go anywhere in the world, and you’ll find a delicate Tottenham supporter launching into an angry rage about Berbatov and why people should leave him alone (most of the time completely unnecessarily), or aggressively lampooning Sol Campbell, totally unaware that even Sol – the planet’s most fragile and nervous centre back – has put the whole nasty business behind him already. And God forbid anyone ever say the Arse word.
But, before Spurs fans start hysterically blubbing and screaming about how unfair that just sounded, stop – take a breath, wipe the drool from your tie and put the chair down. You’re not alone. Also registering high on the hurty-feelings scale are Newcastle’s finest/fattest – still convinced that Kevin Keegan is Jesus Christ, and it’s 1996 all over again – Man City fans (don’t even start on the whole Sven debacle), and Chelsea fans – most of whom seem blissfully unaware that the rest of the country has completely valid reasons to utterly loathe Ashley Cole and JT. They just seem so horrible, and anyone whose girlfriend hasn’t had sex with Ashley Cole yet should perhaps think of the reasons why. Was she not pretty enough? Was it her lack of tatts? What was it?
And so to the middle ground – the less-fragile-but-definitely-a-bit-prickly fans. These mainly consist of avid supporters who have experienced the glory, but those high moments of euphoric head rush have become slightly fewer and further between. Give yourselves a sarcastic slow hand clap Arsenal and Liverpool – it’ll never get that good again (sorry). And on a bad day, we’re talking about you too, Man United – bid a kind hasta luego to Ronaldo for us, he was a fantastic player. Don’t worry though, you’ll be fine next year, you’ve got Owen Hargreaves, for Christ’s sake.
You’ll notice that the barometer (pictured) goes all the way to the bottom, where the thick skinned fans live – home to the likes of * Villa, Everton, West Ham. Teams that think in terms of Carling Cups, UEFA Cups, even no cups at all. The teams that rely on fans just wanting a nice day out, a reason to leave the house and get away from the monotonous hum of ITV2. These men, women and children are the backbone of telesales teams throughout the land. Heroes one and all.
Hull, Stoke, West Brom – you have a lot to live up to.
*Anyone not mentioned was considered too boring.
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Tagged With : Arsenal • Aston Villa • Barometer • Chelsea • Everton • Hull City • Liverpool • man city • man united • Newcastle United • Premier League • sensitive fans • Spurs • Tottenham Hotspur • West Ham