Spurs’ fabulous new training techniques revealed!

Aww, look at them, they just couldn’t hair less…

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If you took twenty monkeys and twenty grown men and forced them to mingle in shop window, statistics suggest that passers-by would be able to correctly identify about twelve of the men, but some would be so hairy that they might as well be monkeys. It sounds strange, but those are the facts. Unless, of course, those men happen to play for Tottenham Hotspur, in which case, no problem, they’re all completely hairless. How the hell did that happen?

Has Ramos demanded that all his players have smooth chests and legs next season? Is this some kind of European technique that no one knows about?

By the looks of things, the players have been subjected to a rigorous summer training programme, including: beach frolicking, diving into waves, waxing, bumping chests, cocktails, and disco dancing.

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