The Portuguese man-o-sex’s top five conquests
For those who didn’t know, Cristiano Ronaldo (full name Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro) was named after the evil American politician/actor Ronald Reagan, which, as people to be named after goes, is only a few back from calling your child Adolf, Judas or Jack the Ripper.
All of that aside, Ronaldo’s had a great couple of days – voted footballer of the year, wore a leather jacket – so to celebrate, we thought we’d have a dreamy look back on some of the more beautiful women he’s had sex with since he moved to Manchester. For probably legal/financial reasons, we haven’t included the many prostitutes.
Merche (possibly pronounced “mirsh”) played the part of a Mrs Robinson character in Ronaldo’s life, being practically an old biddy at 31-years-old. A TV presenter in Portugal, when word got out that she’d been snogging Ronaldo, scores of angry young fans started threatening to kill her. They soon split up.
If you don’t happen to own a television, you might never have seen Gemma – she was the man-voiced female star of Hollyoaks, who went on to become the totally mute glamour model wandering silently around the I’m A Celebrityjungle. She was once proudly Ronaldo’s female resting place.
Very little is known about Karina here, except that she’s a lucky Portuguese model who once had the pleasure of standing in front of her family and friends and declaring herself Cristiano’s woman. Shortly before he left her.
Only a few short weeks ago, it seemed that the dazzling lover/winger might have calmed down and settled into the kind arms of family friend, Mia – a girl who would happily flit between her It Girl lifestyle in Bel Air, and the leather sheets of Ronaldo’s impressive boudoir. But before everyone knew it, he’d jacked her in.
And to his current lover – the curvaceous model/human Nereida. When she’s not on beaches modeling her bosoms, the 25-year-old does normal things like eating, laughing, and sometimes talking. The pair are rumored to bloody love each other a lot.