Players fall foul of dastardly plan
Peruvian second division side Hijos de Ascovinchos saw four players carted off to hospital during a promotion-deciding clash, after quaffing energy drinks handed to them by coaches from the rival team – allegedly spiked with huge quantities of sedatives.
Acosvinchos were handed the tainted drinks during a break in play in their game against rivals Sport Ancash. Players were felled immediately after the restart and rushed off to hospital one after another, where it was revealed they all had traces of tranquiliser in their blood.
Unsurprisingly, Ancash mollywhopped their groggy opponents 3-0, securing promotion to the Peruvian premier league. However, officials investigating the incident may still overturn the result.
Americo Ibanez, Acosvinchos gaffer, was understandably miffed:
My boys say Ancash medical staff gave them a liquid which made them feel dizzy and faint.
When they returned the bottles so the other team drank from them as well, someone snatched them out of their hands.
We want the authorities to investigate this and prove where this substance came from. We’re intending to launch a formal complaint.
Sport Ancash’s rather creative president Pepe Mallqui, however, declared Acosvinchos’ plight was simply down to a dodgy pre-match curry:
They ate barbecued chicken with spices and ended up taking indigestion tablets afterwards.
I’m sure these four men fainted because of that and the physical effort they put in.
Yes, because that would explain their sedative-laced blood-tests, wouldn’t it Pepe?