Dictator secretly invents futuristic communication device
The North Koreans have provided an admirable amount of entertainment in this World Cup, what with the training in secret, hot salty tears of patriotism, and unintentionally ironic attempts at trying to ‘beat the system‘. However, as demonstrated in the first half of their match against Brazil on Tuesday, once Korea DPR step on to the pitch the clown shoes remain firmly off.
Unsurprisingly, north Korean officials are putting the team’s footballing prowess down to their mentalist dictator and self-confessed “Internet expert”, Kim Jong-Il. But how does the ‘Supreme Leader’ bless his Korean team with nuggets of information from 8,000 miles away? Why with an invisible telephone, of course.
According to ESPN, Jong-Il controls the team during a match using a combination of his own tactical nous and whatever gems he can glean Mark Lawrenson’s analysis on TV:
Kim Jong-Su, the general secretary of the North Korean FA, has said the ‘Dear Leader’ gave “in-depth guidance” on how to develop the game in the country and the coach himself has claimed he received regular tactical advice during matches, apparently using mobile phones that are not visible to the naked eye. Jong-Il is said to have developed the technology himself.
Another string to the bow of a man who hit five hole-in-ones in his first game of golf, has written six operas, and can control the weather with his emotions.