People have spent thousands of years violently debating the existence of a God, and pretty much everyone has an opinion – The Spoiler’s is this: there might be a God, who wants to know?
One man certain of his own God-like status is Ashley Cole, a manchild who has spent years sitting back and observing the world revolving gently around him. A man who feels no need to question the presence of a higher force.
His twisted God – whoever it may be – has allowed him to cross football boundaries (thus committing “adultery”), attempt to destroy opponents legs unpunished (thus committing “a red card offence”), and rub his repugnant little hands all over barmaids who aren’t his wife (again, “adultery”). He was even granted permission from on high to chunder during sex before carrying on (admittedly, nothing about this in the Ten Commandments). Disgusting.
But now, it seems that the Good Lord protecting Cole from all the bad things in life has finally had enough. Cheryl, it appears, has given him his marching orders. And not a moment too soon.
A lonely visit to a petrol station has revealed that the defender no longer has any use for the important wedding ring he used to wear on his left hand, rendering rumours of reconciliation and second weddings seemingly false.
Now all he needs to do is pay a personal visit to every single football supporter on the planet to apologize for being Ashley Cole and ta-da! Suddenly human!