Euro 2008: The Spoiler’s Team of the Tournament

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These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…

arshavin

As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…

GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.

DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.

DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)

Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.

DC Ricardo Carvalho (Portugal)
Looking like one of the best in the world, certainly the best at Chelsea.

DR Sergio Ramos (Spain)
Don’t let his woman’s haircut fool you, Ramos has a lion’s heart. Edges out the biggest surprise package of the tournament – Boulahrouz.

ML Arda Turan (Turkey)

The zippy Galatasaray winger was directly responsible for the Turks getting out of jail against the Swiss and the Czechs. Blessed from of high. Or made a pact with the devil.

MC Michael Ballack (Germany)
Somehow – despite playing for Chelsea and Germany – there is something impossible to dislike about Ballack. Even when he shoved a few backs to score a winner against Portugal, Ronaldo’s tears soon washed away the anger.

MC Luka Modric (Croatia)
Tottenham’s new signing looks like he might just be worth every single penny. Who needs Berbatov anyway? Right, Spurs fans?

MR Wesley Sneijder (Holland)
For about three matches, Holland resembled the best team of all time, then, unsurprisingly, it all went breasts upwards. Sneijder leaves Euro 2008 with an enormous rep though. Great against the French.

FC Andrei Arshavin (Russia)
One day people will ask: “Where were you where you first heard of Arshavin?”. To which you will probably punch them in the face. Player of the tournament.

FC David Villa (Spain)
The tournament’s top scorer, he mixes being a nippy little pain in the bum with some sublime shots, and a cracking facial arrangement. Has overshadowed Torres, remarkably.

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