Cristiano Ronaldo threatened with injury by voodoo priest

5/5 - (1 vote)

Sorcerer is currently making anti-CRon spell in his ‘laboratory’


The ever-mental Spanish sports papers have excelled themselves once more, with news reaching us from El Mundo that Real Madrid is under siege by an anonymous voodoo priest.

A letter has been received by the club from a man who claims to have cast a spell that would leave the Portugese man-o’-sex crocked in a freak accident, after being contracted to do so by a mysterious frenemy (Sir Alex? Ruud? Nereida Gallardo?):

I’m not antimadridista. I have nothing against this great club. I am a professional and someone has paid very well for me using my powers. I have been hired to make Cristiano Ronaldo suffer a serious injury.

I can’t promise that it will be a serious injury but he’ll certainly be out of action more than playing.

The priest has already begun doing whatever it is you do to cast a spell, claiming the first stage was to have broken CR9’s goal-a-game streak against Tenerife this weekend:

 It’s a step-by-step process and depends on various factors so the result you are looking for is achieved sooner or later

Riiight. It’s not the first time Los Merengues have been the subject of voodoo-based threats. The same wizard has cursed the club every three years since 2003, hexing David Beckham, Sergio Ramos, Fabio Cannavaro, Raul and Fat Ronaldo. We assume the last one actually worked.

Tagged With :