Coleen Rooney’s lovely frocks fit absolutely everyone!

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Tell you what, that Coleen Rooney works like a bloody Trojan.

Whilst most of the nation’s wives or girlfriends would still be arranging boring coffee mornings for anyone still tolerant enough to endure her endless rant-weeps about what exactly a prostitute has that she doesn’t, Coleen has been busily inventing new Christmas present ideas for your womenfolk.

In November – presumably after hours spent alone in a lab sniffing cotton wool buds – she emerged to launch a dreamy new fragrance called Butterflies. Or Coleen Butterflies to use its full name.

And now, it seems that she went straight from the perfumerie to her role as hype woman on the X Factor, to a workshop somewhere to start drawing designs for a sexy new Littlewoods fashion line – tirelessly figuring out how to accentuate a great set of womanly lower thighs, without straying to whorish proportions. It’s a fine line, and as noted earlier, she’s probably had it up to here with hookers.

Anyway, as reported in the Daily Mail, these frocky things of beauty are now ready for public consumption, featuring – amongst others – a silver leather dress (perfect for hot spicy wine parties!), and a red shiny one (ideal for girls with ironed hair attempting to pull off a “sexy Santa” look).

In the words of Mrs Rooney herself:

“I want to cater for all ages, shapes and sizes,which is why the range is available in sizes 8 to 24.”

That’s your trembling neice with an eating disorder and your really disgustingly fat auntie covered. Plus absolutely everyone in between apart from your dad.

She just gives and gives…

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