The young striker has finally compiled his memoirs
I stole this fascinating snippet from On The Bench, who in turn stole it from a BBC message board. I’m almost 65 per cent sure it’s fictitious.
“Flying into Manchester airport for the signing was one of the most exciting days of my career. The limo transferring me took a while longer to reach the ground than I expected but once there I was greeted by a sea of red. The chanting and atmosphere were brilliant and it all passed by in a blur.
Once inside the ground I was greeted by the manager, the first time we had met face to face. He was a lot heavier than I expected but spoke to me in good Spanish which made me feel most welcome. We went straight into a conference room for the official signing.
After I had put pen to paper the manager turned to me and said “Welcome to the biggest club in the World”.
I said thank you and asked “When will I meet Wayne and Cristiano”?
There followed about ten minutes of confusion from which it transpired that there are two clubs in the North West of England known as the “Reds” and my idiot agent had got them mixed up.
However I had signed so had to get on with it. Benitez was known as the “Gaffer”. I asked Stevie G (the only other player at the club who could control the ball) why this was.
He explained that in English “gaffe” is an embarrassing mistake. Apparently even the owners called Rafa “gaffer”.
All I can do now is play really well and hope that Real, Barca or possibly Barnsley come and save me from my nightmare.
Some days after training I drive from Liverpool to Manchester and sit outside Old Trafford and dream of what might have been. I can sit there for hours.
Then Stevie will nudge me and say “Come on Nando, we have to go back”.
We drive silently back to the gaffer.
Taken from How did I get here? by Fernando Torres.