Divorce illustrated using Photoshop wizardry
Well, it’s a sad day for football’s fourth or fifth most beloved couple – Cheryl has finally decided to divorce Ashley Cole. The consensus being that she’d grown increasingly annoyed by the sheer volume of other women that he chose to roger during their marriage.
Hopefully, once the humiliation has passed, one day Cheryl will be able to look back on their time together with fondness – perhaps recalling the tingling sensation of Ashley’s hamster-hands darting clumsily about her body, or reliving the romance from the day he eloquently asked her if she wanted to get hitched or anything. Great times.
So, in honour of this cripplingly good looking twosome, The Spoiler has compiled a scrapbook. You’ll find nine more moving pictures after the jump. Tissues at the ready, girls.
The time they went to London Fashion Week together
Ahh, who are these gorgeous young trend setters? Fully aware that fashion is all about accessories, notice that Cheryl decided to pretend to wear glasses to look sophisticated? Nice move. Ashley, on the other hand, just bought a bottle of mineral water to look posh. Lazy.
Cheryl goes to the football
Knowing full well that it’s important to take an interest in your boyfriend/husband’s job to make a relationship work, Cheryl did what all good life partners do – she went along to Ashley’s office to watch him doing what he does best. Or second best, if you count puking midway through having sex with a hairdresser.
Cheryl and Ashley urge poor people to play the Lottery
Of course, before Ashley and Cheryl came along, National Lottery winners tended to be prune-faced scroungers who would immediately disassociate themselves from anyone who had ever loved them the minute that the massive cheque finally came through in the post. No change there. Still, it’s a moving picture of two beautiful young lovers dressed a bit like angels, urging people to get rich quick.
Ashley on their wedding day
Oh, what a day! Girls Aloud minus the spiky redhead were the sexy bridesmaids, JT and Lampsie were on top Morcambe and Wise form as best men, Simon Cowell gave Cheryl away. Fine, we’ll admit it, we weren’t there. It was probably something like that, though. They definitely had a cake.
Cheryl dresses to impress
Readers of the popular lady’s lifestyle magazine Elle will remember this all too well. Ashley and Cheryl simply sparkled at the mag’s 21st birthday party – him in a black shirt and slacks presumably borrowed from the Jamie Redknapp school of sophisticated dressing, her in a shimmering gold dress and only 50 per cent of a typical woman’s usual underwear combination. A wonderful evening out.
Those intimate car journeys
They say that the best way to get to know someone is to either get trapped in a lift with them for a good few hours, or embark on a twelve hour flight for no better reason than to have a really long conversation. In both cases, by the end you’ll either be making love like rabbits, or one of you will be dead. On a totally unrelated note, above is a picture of Ashley and Cheryl in a car.
Cheryl’s SURPRISE birthday party
Face it, there isn’t any such thing as a SURPRISE celebrity birthday party. If there was, you’d have pictures of unwashed famous people half dressed and discomombobulated having panic attacks in the middle of Movida. Plus, Cheryl wouldn’t have turned up at hers looking quite so ready for a surprise birthday party. Nitpicking aside, didn’t she look lovely in her wardrobe homage to Strictly Come Dancing?
Cruel jokers get in on the act
Romance fans might want to look away now – this is where it all started to go wrong. Well, kind of. If you want to get all scientific about it, it probably started going wrong when the have-sex-with-other-women side of Ashley’s brain decided to override the logic zone. But still, this one hurts. Hurts real deep. Shame on the guttersnipes who wasted a decent bedsheet for THIS.
The great holidays
Like they say in show business, you should always go out on a high, so here it is – Cheryl and Ashley during the foetal stages of their wonderful love affair, joyously sitting on the beach, just enjoying one another’s company. Beautiful.