Beckham – staggeringly metrosexual
Gone are the days when footballers were the men awkwardly shuffling around in a jumper from Millets and some stone washed jeans on their day off, desperately attempting to fit in with the rest of society. These days, some of these weekend athletes are also fashion scholars.
Hence, by way of proof, after the jump there are ten men who take their appearance very seriously indeed…
The undefeated heavyweight champion of metrosexuals, Becksie rarely starts a match without a new fashion statement. In the past, it’s been the astonishing haircuts – ranging from the This is England, through to The Rachel cut – the facial horseplay, and you know how when you’re on the phone you might doodle a few pictures on a nearby envelope – perhaps a spider’s web or a cube within another cube? Well, Becksie treats his body like a blank piece of scrap paper lying around next to a ringing phone and an old biro. In some walks of life, his name is synonymous with “stylishness”.
One of football’s greatest conundrums, Cisse manages to be both terrifying and sensitive at the same time – a bit like an iron fist in a velvet glove, or that picture of a flower sticking out of a rifle during ‘Nam. On the pitch, he’s a fierce competitor, off it he’s just fierce… in the America’s Next Top Model sense (oh don’t pretend you haven’t watched it!).
Not far behind Becksie and Djibril is Ljungberg, the former Arsenal man, who has been known to dabble in underpants modeling, and lots of scarves. Above, you might notice that he’s wearing a trendy hat – not your typical footballer’s beanie – which is a sign that he’s very much at ease with his own sense of style. If sport society wasn’t so Dickensian, you can bet your favourite fruity cocktail that he’d dabble in lip-gloss.
Fans of the new MTV let’s-put-people-in-a-house-and-see-if-they-have-sex documentary, Jersey Shore, will now be familiar with a type of young US gentleman who likes to apply fake tan, slick his hair back to preposterous proportions, then urge women to have sexual intercourse with him. In America, this type of chap suffers a rather derogatory nickname. In Spain, he’s called Cristiano Ronaldo.
A hunch suggests that a young Peter Crouch probably wasn’t a metrosexual at all, more an awkward beanpole hiding behind his hair, afraid, mocked for his tallness – possibly a member of Glee club. But, in a magnificently bizarre twist, he then became one of the few people in history to locate an inner-sophistication whilst living in Liverpool, and now he not only dates a model, but he dresses a bit like one too. Not afraid of products, that Peter Crouch.
Of course, everyone knows that the French are stylish. In his prime, Eric Cantona wowed football audiences by turning his collars up before a match like a midfield Elvis Presley, then you had people like Frank Leboeuf and Fabien Barthez who turned their sorry baldness into a thrilling fashion strength, and for a while, Arsenal’s Thierry Henry taught the people of North London how to dress quite beautifully. Above is a picture of him taking smart/casual to a whole new level. Very clever.
Were it to suddenly be revealed that Lampsie has his own dressing room with a star on the door at Chelsea, few people would be in the least bit surprised. He has the look of a man who has just removed the cucumbers from his eyes whenever he turns out in public. Plus he isn’t afraid to dabble in a bit of pink and a Brokeback belt buckle. Good for him.
You’d think that with all of their fashion houses, and famous sense of style, that there would be more Italians on this list. And yet, footballers in Italy tend to look like the kind of growling lotharios who would threateningly pootle up beside you on a moped if you were casually chatting someone up outside a local bar. Not Totti though. With his fine hair and all round open-shirtedness, he’d just glance at your lady, and she’d be off. Very smooth.
The wild card on the list, when you’re thinking about metrosexuals, Aaron Lennon would not be the first footballer to spring to mind (hence why he’s the eighth one here). But any man who will spend a few long minutes every morning shaving precise mathematical lines into his own eyebrows takes his fashion very very seriously. In the above picture, he’s sporting some remarkable shades.
The background sums Rio up, he’s all about the “glamour”. In a dressing room made up of Michael Owen, Paul Scholes, Wayne Rooney and Owen Hargreaves, a more fashionable gentleman will always stand out. In that sense, he really knows how to accessorise.
Any more for any more?
Name any missing metrosexuals in the comments section.